And the Light Streamed Through

2012-10-07 12.29.23There it is. The insurmountable. Everything was going along just fine down this new path until IT came along! What the hell? Now what am I supposed to do?

The massive fallen tree lay there before me, blocking the road ahead. Wow. It stretched as far as I could see to the left and right. And it’s massive trunk was almost as thick as I am tall. Wow. What the hell…?

I have come so far, only to be stopped in my tracks by some freakin’ tree. This is impossible. There is no way I can move forward. Tears well in my eyes as I consider all that I’ve gone through and all I won’t see now that this is in front of me. My heart breaks and I feel so great a despair that I’m not sure I’ll ever be happy again.

How could it have come to this? Where did I go wrong? I thought this was the right way? Everything pointed to this path, but now I’m stuck. Yeah, they all told me so. I should have listened. What an idiot. Who the hell did I think I was trying to push through on a new trail? I should have stayed safe and sound where I was. At least I wouldn’t feel like crap. There’s just no way to keep going.

And so the tears come. What a cry-baby. I should have listened. Why me? Why can’t I get a break? I’m a good person. How come I can’t get where I want to go? My sobs break the silence around me in the dense forest. My grief overtakes me and I sit and cry for awhile. I deserve it anyways. Such an idiot…On and on, my tears fall until I cannot cry anymore.

I stand up. I turn and look back the way I had come. Holy…moses…look at those freaking craters. I don’t remember that bomb going off. Oh wait a minute…yes I do. I survived? Well, duh, I’m here to tell the tale aren’t I? And those barb wire fences? I climbed through those? So that’s where these scars came from. Huh. Didn’t seem all that bad at the time.

Look at all those things I’ve done! I remember that! I never thought I’d ever make it through that challenge – it was tough but here I am. I see all the people who touched my life, good and bad. I remember the lessons I learned from each one. Some of those lessons were really nasty! But man, were they good to learn. I see how many times my path was blocked, but I also see where I went around or where I climbed over or where I pushed through anyway. Huh. Didn’t think I had it in me…

I turn back to the tree in front of me. The sun has climbed higher now and sheds its light near me, on my right side. Leaning against the tree, previously hidden in shadow, I see an axe. Hmmmm…I consider this for a moment as I wipe my snotty nose.

No, that would be crazy. I’d never be able to use an axe to chop through this thing! Who am I kidding!? What is with me and these crazy ideas? I think of the blisters I would get on my hands. Yeah, but they would heal and eventually my hands would get used to it. What about my shoulders & my back? They’d never be able to take that much work. Yeah, remember when you said the same thing about your legs never being able to carry you this far? Well, they did.

Yeah, but still – I continue to argue with myself – it would be sooooo much work and would take forever! Oh my God! Whine much? Seriously! I am beginning to get annoyed with my whiner baby self. I remind myself about how many times, in fact, I had indeed chopped a lot of wood. Lots of different kinds of wood, and maybe not as big and overwhelming, but still. When you look at this big tree – it really is the same thing, just bigger. Nothing I hadn’t ever done before…

I take a tentative swing. Thud. That went in well. I try another swing, angled towards the first so that a chunk flies out. Ah ha! I try another…and another…chips begin to fly!

I grow tired…and I rest. My hands bleed…and they heal. My back burns…but it soon grows stronger. My heart waits…and then it soars as the light from the other side of the tree streams through…

 

 

How can we help you as you search for the LIGHT? Whatever your LIGHT looks like, know that it is worth it. Don’t wait for it to find you; do the work and SEE IT!

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