As I cleaned house today (I don’t normally clean house on Saturdays, I usually do a little bit here and there throughout the week), I thought about how I used to feel about housework.
I hated it. Despised it. I could never do it right. It was never good enough. So…I’d leave it…for days…for weeks. And then the guilt would take over. I’d scream at everyone because they’d never pitch in. I’d resent and rant and rave as I’d furiously “catch up” for hours. Then I’d scream some more when someone would spill something or make a mess. I was miserable. Everyone tiptoed around me. And then the cycle would begin again.
My mother is awesome. She taught us how to work hard and how do be responsible. We were taught to pitch in and do our share of the workload. We all knew how to take care of a home, thanks to her. And I tried. I did. But there were so many other things I’d rather do. I was filled with hatred for cleaning because it took me away from what I really loved to do. I was only doing it because it was expected and because I felt guilty. The worst part – I felt that if it wasn’t perfect, then there was no point to doing it at all. So it got worse and worse. I hated myself for “being a crappy homemaker”. I told myself that all the time.
I was doing it in case someone came over – for show. If I had a messy house they wouldn’t like me. I would find myself thinking that if my mom saw my house when it was messy, I would feel like I’d let her down. I wanted it to look like everyone else’s. But I just couldn’t spend the time to make it that way. We had so much stuff that it would take me so much time just to put stuff away before I even began to clean. By then it would get so dirty that it was extra hard to clean it.
The clutter took over, so much stuff without a place. I would start doing something and then find myself fluttering around doing a million different things and never finishing anything. I’d spend all day “doing”, but never actually accomplishing.
I hated myself. I hated housework. I even hated being a mom because I felt like I was such a failure at it. I had to do something. I bought books on taking care of my home that I’d start to read and never finish because I was just so overwhelmed. It consumed me. I’d listen to advice, I’d feel guilty. Over and over, the sense of helplessness would continue. I’d be happy to go to work just because it meant I could get away from it.
Slowly, as the years passed, I have learned to accept myself for who I am. The biggest thing – that I’m not perfect and most of all; no one else is either. I stopped comparing myself to everyone else. I became my own “standard”. My best friend was instrumental in this. She is amazing; a strong, beautiful woman who is so organized and together. Yet she has her own things that she has to deal with too. We all do. We have helped each other understand this. We have helped each other to let go of Perfectionism, to let go of a lot of things and just BE.
She helped me by coming over here and not judging me – EVER. She comes here because she likes spending time with me. It doesn’t matter what my house looks like. She has helped me learn to focus and find what works for me. I stopped yelling at my family about the house and started setting the example. I started clearing the clutter because it meant more time doing the things I love and being with my family & friends instead of wasting so much time moving, cleaning, and getting rid of it.
Now, I actually enjoy cleaning – I am doing it when I want to do it (not because someone’s coming over or because I feel guilty.) I am doing it because I enjoy the result and I feel like I’m lovingly taking care of my family. I ask for help when I need it – with courtesy and respect, and, amazingly, I usually get the help I need; sometimes even without asking.
Sure, there are days where I slip back into those old feelings, especially when I feel overwhelmed and tired. Days when I just want to hide from everything and everyone. But, those days are fewer and it takes a lot less time to climb back out of my cave.
Krystal and I have learned so much over the years about clearing the clutter and enjoying life. We get excited about helping other people get away from trying to be perfect and just being themselves. We don’t want people to hire us because they need “fixing”. We don’t want people to feel ashamed or controlled by their clutter.
There’s nothing wrong with you. We want to help you learn to live, really live. We want to teach you that you don’t need to be like everyone else. We’ll help you discover what works for you and your family so that you don’t have to stand there screaming at everyone each time you decide to “fix” the mess. We want to help you learn to look at your stuff in a new way. That taking care of your homes doesn’t have to be this horrible chore you hate. Your home is your sanctuary from this crazy world. We truly want to help you make it that way.