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Facebook ‘Friend’ or Phony?

In this day and age, social media is predominant in our lives. I can’t speak for all social platforms but I do know that Facebook is the number one form of social media with about 900,000,000 people using it around the world! Facebook can be a wondrous place for keeping in touch with friends and family EVERYWHERE. We can share pictures, post updates, share news and information, ask for help, reconnect, find recipes, etc. etc. It can be very addicting. What on earth did we do before Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest?!

With anything of this capacity there can also be drawbacks. I have witnessed many a’ catty arguments, rude comments, and some pretty intense rants. The most innocent culprit I would say though would be our own judgement of ourselves and each other. The ‘good’ ole comparison game.

For example, your friend goes on another exotic vacation sans children. <You wondered how long it would take her to post about her ‘super-fun’ time.> She is laying on a beach with her man beside her, <naturally it is minus one thousand degrees here…> The water looks crystal clear and the sky has never looked so blue. <She is obviously having the BEST time ever.> She is relaxing with not a care in the world. Her picture looks like a post card. You know the one where you can see their bronzed legs and feet, the sand and a strategically placed slush drink with an umbrella. Oh and of course the book casually laying on their lap. It is difficult not to be jealous when yet again, you are strapped for cash. <How do they do it all the time?> <Who watches their kids?>

We have all felt Facebook inspired pangs of jealousy from time to time. These envious feelings have to do with the comparison between ourselves and our ‘friends’ or dare I say our distant online acquaintances in many instances? We get jealous of their better job, their perfect home, the awards, promotions etc. etc. We can even beginning judging each other’s business pages.

I just have to say that most people when they post on Facebook are putting their best foot forward. They are rarely writing a status that talks of their latest dinner time struggle getting the kiddos to eat. You won’t often hear about an argument between a husband and wife splashed all over the page, and are you going to admit that really embarrassing thing that you did today? Not likely. You are more likely to post the amazing recipe that you or your hunny made, the romantic thing that your significant other did, pictures of a well put together family.

Let me tell you that it is a-ok. You don’t know what happens behind closed doors. You don’t know what struggles people have. That well put together person may be falling apart behind that screen. She may have major feelings of inadequacy. Remember we generally only see each other’s highlights. The good stuff. Not the bad and the ugly! The real skinny is everyone has their own shit, their own struggles, and their own pile of stuff to sift through. It is called a normal life!

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I just read a post by Jon Acuff that said, “Inspiration tells you anything is possible. Comparison tells you everything is impossible.” He went on to say that, “Inspiration drives you forwards. Comparison pulls you backward. Inspiration tells you there’s still time to accomplish something amazing while comparison tells you it’s too late.” Full post here http://acuff.me/2015/01/inspiration-vs-comparison/

So how do we get out of this trap? It’s really quite simple and might take some practice. But here’s what you do…ready for it? You celebrate others. Let me repeat. You plain and simply celebrate others. You try and be happy for them. 

Start to want the best for others and hey maybe they will also want the best for you. What a lovely little thought! So next time your buddy posts a success, gets that major opportunity, or goes on the trip of a lifetime. Dig deep and celebrate with them. Xxxxx

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Wishing you the BEST Xxxx,

Krystal

Judge a Little Less; Support a Little More

 

“If someone isn’t what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.”
― Paulo CoelhoThe Alchemist

 

Super Mom can Suck It. That’s right.  I said it. The idea that the modern working and or stay at home mom can do it all perfectly is a figment of our imaginations. It is fake and I am calling Bullshit.

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Why oh WHY must we try and pretend that we have got it all together. You know what I am talking about. And just for the record ladies just because someone posts a picture of a decadent, gourmet, perfectly healthy, balanced diet, raw food meal that her AMAZING husband made doesn’t mean that she wasn’t scarfing down a fast food meal yesterday because she really wanted a night off of cooking and her family has been running ALL damn week. Remember all that you generally see on social media are the highlights. Though I do find it refreshing when peeps/bloggers post real life incidents that we can all relate to and gather support from.

You see in fact it was just yesterday while I was at work I found myself saying that, “Today I am the disorganized organizer. “ I won’t give you the sob story but my day was tight. I mean really hectic and I sort of forgot that it was my co-worker’s birthday party and I was responsible for it. Fun right?! Well yes it really is because we get to celebrate each other, hang out and have a little shin dig party. But holy shit if I didn’t forget until I was driving from one of my clients and that fleeting remembrance struck me and almost made me drive off of the road. I mean I didn’t have a card or anything. Thank goodness I had the cake all pre-planned! So here I am between client visits, running for a card, flowers, the cake and beverages. Sigh. Talk about a mega fail. But guess what?! It went well despite me having a full work day – it all came together. Unbelievable. I am supposed to have my shit together right?

I am just like everybody else. I have a life that involves more than just myself and these things happen. And correct me if I am wrong but I am not the ONLY one who messes up am I? Am I the only Mom in history that forgot to put pajama day in her calendar? Even if my son says that he was the ONLY one that wasn’t in his pj’s in the class picture?

It was just last night. I was solo parenting and I was tired from the day (refer to above birthday story). I actually bribed my children to bath the dog. He (the pup) smelled like he slept in the garbage can all day and I could not muster up the energy to bath him. So I did an awful parenting thing and told the kiddos that if they bathed the dog then they could stay up an hour late. Yup. I did. No one said that I was nominated for parent of the year. I think sometimes we just have to do what we have to do. It was Darwin that advocated survival of the fittest right???

Just to top it off yesterday. My daughter gave me an invitation to a birthday party that was the next day. Right. After. School. Say what?! So there I was “that customer” in Walmart a half hour before it closes frantically looking for a present for her friend. That I know nothing about. Don’t even get me started about the other birthday that we have tomorrow, Father’s Day and the OTHER birthday that I pretty much forgot about. There goes the budget.

For the love of ____ can we just stop judging each other?

Some things that annoy the hell out of me…

How about those peeps that judge those on Facebook? I like Facebook so please don’t sit back and say that it is rendering my ability to communicate or love my family.  I am not a Pinterest gal – does that mean I am not able to make nice things and be creative?

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I like healthy foods and sometimes non healthy foods BUT for the love of gluten free, paleo, raw food, and quinoa sometimes I just want a damn bag of chips!

I don’t pick my children up for school in the latest fashions with perfectly manicured nails and magnificent hair, sometimes yoga pants and a ponytail are about all that I can/want to muster up. That doesn’t make me less of a person.

Ever feel like this?

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When people bad mouth their boss when it isn’t justified. I mean really if you think that you are qualified for the job then why didn’t you apply?

Don’t judge me if my house is messy and don’t judge it if it is clean. Who cares?

Don’t judge me for what I  have and don’t judge me for what I don’t have. Those are just things.

Is it so awful to be happy for each other? Is it?!?!?!

There is nothing wrong with admitting that things are not awesome.awesome

All I am saying that it doesn’t matter if we aren’t perfect (whatever the hell that means!) as long as we strive to be a better version of ourselves every day. If one day you eat poorly then the next day try and eat a nutritious diet. If one day you find yourself yelling and freaking out then the next day try and find ways to stay calm and peaceful.

Whether you are a single Mom, a Step mom, a Foster Mom, a Mom of one or six, a stay at home Mom, or a career Mom. Kudos to each and every one of you. You are freaking awesome.

So though sometimes it is difficult let’s judge a little less and support each other a little more.

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Hugs

Krystal