I was going to write about Spring Cleaning today but the word trust kept popping into my head. I know -big difference in subject matter!! This is how I write now. I write about what moves me and the thoughts that I feel HAVE to be put down on my computer.
I used to be the BIGGEST worrier. I would fret about work; who would I be working with? Was it going to be a good day? Would I be able to handle my workload? Could I be a good nurse for my patients? Would it be so crazy on the unit that I would forget something?
I would worry about my kids. Are they doing ok at school? Did they get their assignments done? Did they hand in the paper that was due today? Are they in the right extra-curricular activity? Is he able to handle going to parties? Will they make good decisions?
I would also worry about whether I had paid all the bills before their deadlines. What I would make for supper that the family would enjoy. I would worry if I hadn’t heard from my friends for a while. I would feel so awful for what others were going through that my day would not be good.
I think you get the point. I would actually feel ill quite often with my stomach doing flip flops because I could not escape the thoughts. I took the weight of the world on my shoulders and I did not know how to cope with the thoughts that bombarded me on a day to day basis. I did not understand that all of these things were out of my control. My worrying did not make a bit of difference on the outcome of these situations and quite frankly looking back it was simply exhausting to have these negative feelings all of the time. It was like I was anticipating a negative outcome before it had even happened.
So moving on to trust. What is trust? Well the online dictionary defines trust as such:
reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
confident expectation of something; hope.
confidence in the certainty of future payment for property or goods received; credit: to sellmerchandise on trust.
a person on whom or thing on which one relies: God is my trust.
the condition of one to whom something has been entrusted.
The definition that I am talking about is the first. “Reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.”
You see I have had to be able to trust more than I ever have before. In doing so I am able to live much more freely.
When we are babies and even small children we don’t know anything but trust. It is only after a child has been let down, lied to, or treated adversely that they begin to not trust people at times.
As adults I find that it is more difficult to put your trust in something or someone. Through experience we know that trust can easily be shattered and is very difficult to recover. We know that trust has to be earned.
If we are able to open ourselves up to trust in people and situations then we are able to live in the moment without defining what ‘could’ happen and not robbing our life at the present time of all that it is.
Yesterday was a prime example of ways that I trusted everything would work out. I went through my usual work day trusting that I could get away on time in order to pick up my daughter and get her to dance competition on time. I trusted that my parents would pick my kiddos up from school and my Mom would get my daughter’s hair all curled and styled for me so that we wouldn’t be late. I trusted that my husband would remember to pick up my youngest son and get everything done so that we would be ready for school the next day. Lo and behold I got a flat tire on the way to dance competition. I now had to trust that I could get the tire changed and get into the theatre on time to watch my daughter dance. Luckily my bff changed it and we got finished up just in time. After the competition I had to trust that I could get back to my town on the little spare tire on the busy highway.
It all amazingly worked out.
Another thing during my daughter’s dance routine there is a part where some of the girls have to lift my girl up in the air while she is in the splits. Their job is important to keep her safe from falling. She has to trust them 100% and they trust that she can hold the move. The old me would have worried so much about the outcomes of all of these things.
My son recently turned 18. I keep thinking and wondering if we have given him the tools to be able to get by in the world. As parents we have to be able to trust that he can make good decisions at this point and trust that he will come to us for advice and help when he wants it not just when we think that he should have it. We have to put trust in our children and let them make decisions for themselves.
Another thing in my life that I used to worry about extensively was money. When my husband I were first starting out we barely made above minimum wage. I panicked about whether we had enough for this or that. I managed it all for years. One day I realized that I just had too much on my plate and my husband and I decided that I would hand over the financial stuff to him. We still discuss finances but now he is responsible for paying the bills and managing the accounts. This was tough for me to let go of and trust that he could manage this but he really stepped up and does a great job.
I also used to stress about being able to do it ALL. I think this is common for women. We don’t have to participate or volunteer with everything ALL of the time. Of course we have feelings of guilt around all of this. (That is a whole other topic.) As May is often the busiest month in my house I trust that if I take things day by day then my days should play out as they are supposed to.
I am not saying that you have to trust every person that you come across. I am saying that things happen for a reason and you should always trust in the outcome. We are not meant to see the big picture.
Here are more few examples about how I am able to trust.
- Friendships – I trust that my friends will be open and honest with me, not play games, and have my back if I need them
- Children- I trust that they will be safe every day, do their best, and learn from their mistakes
- Husband – I trust this man with all my heart. I know that I can count on him for love and support.
- Job – I trust that I have the knowledge to assist people to the best of my abilities.
I hope that you are able to let go of the need to try and control every situation that comes your way. Sometimes you just need to listen to that gut feeling, go with the flow and live in the present with every cell of your body!